5 songs to replace "Tubthumping"
Winston Peters faces potential legal action from Chumbawumba about using their hit song - so let's help out our beleaguered deputy PM
Unless you’ve been avoiding the news for the past week, you’re likely aware by now that Winston Peters has gotten in trouble with the band Chumbawumba, purveyors of the hit song “Tubthumping” which has been used by NZ First since the election. I remember hearing it ring out at their celebrations in Russell and having a laugh because its just so on the nose.
There are so many other songs to choose from! Why pick the most obvious one?!
(And if you have managed to avoid the news all week, who are you? Who taught you how to do that? Please teach me how to do that. I wanna avoid the news too.)
With “Tubthumping” off the playlist, the Now That’s What I Call 90s Drinking Songs CD that the NZ First party presumably use to play music at all their events is in need of a replacement. NEVER FEAR! I have five great suggestions for you!
Please note: I cannot promise that these songs also won’t result in legal action. I take no liability.
01. Miley Cyrus - “The Climb”
Okay, so I know what you’re thinking: a pop ballad just doesn’t have the up tempo energy and zest and vitality we all imagine when we think of Winston Peters. But I think Miley is just what Winnie needs to draw in the youth vote (for his party, that’s anyone under the age of 75). Plus, the Cyrus family have a history of not taking action when their songs are used by politicians they don’t necessarily agree with.
Here’s the key lyric for Winston:
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
02. Backstreet Boys - “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)”
This song is perfect for NZ First and its policy: it’s a relic of the 1990s, its tired, and we’ve all heard (and likely turned it off) before. But just like NZ First, you can’t keep the Backstreet Boys down; the group are still touring. You can even join them on a cruise sometimes. Some of NZ First’s core demographic might even have seen them.
A key lyric for Winston - and it opens the floor for discussion at that:
Oh, my God, we're back again
Brothers, sisters, everybody sing
Gonna bring the flavour, show you how
Gotta question for you, better answer now
(The question: “Did you hear me say holocaust? I didn’t hear me say holocaust.”)
03. Taylor Swift - “Shake It Off”
One of the most famous songs ever released by the biggest star on the planet is sure to get some legal attention. But it also opens NZ First up to the Swifties, an entirely new audience who (I feel safe assuming) have never even given NZ First a thought before. Sometime you have to swing for the fences. Or the courtrooms.
Also this lyric might as well have been written by Winston Peters:
I never miss a beat
I'm lightnin' on my feet
And that's what they don't see, mm-mm
(You’re right, we don’t see it.)
04. Katy Perry - “Firework”
I mean, they already used the most over-used choice for a celebration song with “Tubthumping” - why not draw on Katy Perry’s “Firework”, the second most over-used song for a celebration?! This is a win-win: its catchy, it’s uplifting, everybody hates you it AND there is no risk of Katy Perry taking legal action because, honestly, she needs all the publicity she can get.
A bit of inspiration for Winnie on this one:
You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
(Unrelated, but why do fireworks come out of her boobs? I get there is a line about ‘let your colours burst’ and ‘your heart will glow’, but this is just weird.)
05. Elton John - “I’m Still Standing”
Umm, on second thought, this might not fly with some of your coalition partners given their medieval and cruel stance on Elton’s sexual proclivities. So …
05. Destiny’s Child - “Survivor”
There are three leaders in the coalition government. There are three women in Destiny’s Child circa 1999. Coincidence? I think NOT. This is the obvious pick. Winston is the Beyonce of the group, the one with obvious talent (her musical, him gaslighting politics). Seymour is Kelly Rowland: can obviously sing but just comes off as a bit try-hard next to Winston/Beyonce. Chris Luxon is the Michelle of the group. Nobody really knows what Michelle does.
Key lyric for Winston to take away:
(I'm better than that) I'm not gon' blast you on the radio
(I'm better than that) I'm not gon' lie on you and your family, oh
(I'm better than that) I'm not gon' hate on you in the magazines
Maybe he could stand to learn a thing or two from Queen B and co.
Being serious for a moment, I’m always struck by the lack of self-awareness that some of these political parties use when it comes to music.
Why would you play a song like “Tubthumping’” so frequently without checking with the band? Or even looking up who the band are? Chumbawumba are famously an anarcho-punk group - heck, the released an album named Anarchy in 1994, just three years before “Tubthumping” came out.
The history of the band is very well summed up in the brilliant episode about “Tubthumping” on Todd In The Shadows’ series One Hit Wonderland.
If you’re a politician, and you’re thinking about using a specific song (or even a soundalike) to accompany your campaign appearances, maybe do a quick Google and read through the artist’s Wikipedia page before you use it.
And if you need a campaign music adviser, call me.
Five Songs Worth Checking Out!
> Muse - “Feeling Good”
I went on a bit of a Muse binge this weekend and remembered how fun this old cover was. Nina Simone famously recorded it in 1965, but it was written a year earlier for a stage show The Roar of the Greasepaint – The Smell of the Crowd.
> Fatboy Slim - “Gangster Tripping”
I’ve had that ‘ba-na-na-na-nah-naaah’ trumpet stuck in my head since last week.
> Supertramp - “It’s Raining Again”
A wet weekend here in Auckland, so I was left recalling this Roger Hodgson classic.
> Tim Minchin - “The Absence Of You”
Still buzzing from the Minchin show last Wednesday - I really like it’s one-take music video, which has to be watched before this behind the scenes clip of how they filmed it all in one take.
> Kora - “Politician”
I’ve said enough for today.
Thanks for reading to the end. You’re definitely my favourite reader.
Cheers,
Chris
These artists should be offended...Hahaha 🤣